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Berrii's Monologue

On Season 3, 47, 2026, not long after our last performance in our hometown’s second annual Three Days Violence and Music festival, the four of us were on the road for a long time. It would be a few hours until we would even be close to another state and we spent that time talking about a lot of things on our mind.

Terrii wanted to move back in with his mother for a while and Jaxx wanted to invite Mr. Smiley to wherever they may go.

Techni wanted to continue making music through solo work while also trying to figure his belonging in the world as an artist. He talked a lot about his insecurities and wanting to break from his timidness. Everytime he gets close to moving forward with his art though, something holds him back. With Kim being dead since 2025, it's been eating him up and I can tell he's been trying to hide it for a long time. I wanted to hug him so many times and tell him that it's okay to cry. To him, he lost his only lover. To me, I lost my closest friend.

Kim Birch meant the world to me and always saw right through me. Since high school we had so many crazy ideas for art and our jobs for the future. They were always there when I needed someone to talk to and always had the coolest outfits. I wanted to tell them how much I loved them and wanted to start a quiet life in the midwest somewhere. They had a warmth that I can never feel again in my life.

I threw it all away when I began to see Terrii. Stars… When I see Techni, I see Kim and I am reminded of my biggest mistake. Trading my time with Kim for Terrii in some unconscious pursuit of romance just to find out he's not a good listener.

I should've never met Terrii, Jaxx and Chip, but because of my reckless decisions I wound up having no choice but to live with them until I had enough to move out. Jobs never paid me enough though and I had been stuck living with these inconsiderate morons ever since. It eventually all spilled out in an outburst during that car ride to our new futures up ahead.

I wanted to kill myself. For what felt like the first time in a while, I had wanted to kill myself. Losing everything I had because of my mistakes just to wind up living with people that see me as some puzzle that they need to piece together. I shriveled up, drenched in blood, sweat, and tears. I cried for so long on that trip.

Even if I had money now from the work I had done for the band, to live on my own with no one to connect to was a devastating thought that was closing in on me. How could I just move on again?

Techni could see what was happening and unbuckled his seatbelt to hug me. The warmth that I had once longed for from Kim returned. I didn't say anything more after that. That's when something flew and hit Terrii while he was driving and it caused the car to steer off path and fall down a very steep hill.

Glass was flying and metal was contorting everywhere around me, closing in on what was left of the space in the car. Suddenly, I craved life in what was likely the last fleeting moments of it. Reaching the ground, the car landed on its side and I realized I was still alive, but Terrii, Jax, and Techni were dead.

When I crawled out of the window, some glass had cut me and I began bleeding profusely. Landing on the ground, I tried to cover it the best I could and ran towards what was a few miles away from some future ahead. Something was in the distance, but I collapsed. The rest is a blur I suppose.

I woke up to the bluest sky I had seen in a minute. It was gorgeous. Who am I kidding? I think at that moment I found my reason to live again.

Thank you Techni and thank you Kim for saving my life.

I love you guys so much.

-BB

Godspeed, Berrii